In an #itchysilk first instalment we take a voyage into the world of our nigerian diarist as she takes a journey from absorbing female on female porn to finally taking a leap to her first (proper) female sexperience. We start the journey at the cusp of that life changing decision where she will finally extricate herself from an unhappy Nigerian marriage founded on traditional values. But leaving a marriage and indeed in some ways a Nigerian culture still founded on traditional concepts is just the start of this intriguing journey.
22:15pm – l will pretend that I am asleep. Fucking time to surrender the pussy, even when I am disliking the delivery.
Still, the hand movement crawled in, I clenched, it continued towards my being, my butt, a pinch, my breast, a squeeze. My mind skips a beat, yet reassured it will be over soon, think of something else …. this reminds me of screen from the novel “a little life”, young Jude's experiences as a sex worker, his use of conjuring an out of body experience to get through the ordeal; only in this case, it wasn't sex working; it's part of the fulfilment as a wife, ready or not … I let my imagination be filled with images of girl on girl sex, this thought makes it much easier.
Besides having sex dreams of being touched & caressed, sucked & fucked by same gender and then waking up in fear that my husband … sleeping next to me had seen me whining and vibrating without his involvement; living my reality through my dreams … a fragmented reality … her arrival, like fresh breeze on silk, shifting / gliding / sliding through my body, her soft warm lips rested on mine; to my right breast, flicking my supersized nipples, her tongue between my thighs, the tip on my clitoris, slowing, softly stroking sucking like we had all the time in the world. The sensation was different to what I have ever felt, there is truly power in the tongue.
Though, you will say, “it is not like you have not had sex with men, and had that same experience … men suck pussy too”. Yes, certainly so. I grew up in a heterosexual community, been attracted to men and have had sexual relations not with 5 but going into double digits yet never been able to hold down a relationship for a minute. But why so? we discuss that later, if ever. For now, my quest is to follow my subconscious path, to make my dream a reality.
I appreciated the perspective of being fluid, this is from having numerous debates, conversation with friends. Though, never shared my one-time girl on girl experience between age 10 /11; I still remember how we stared into each other's eyes, we touched our souls. I remember this like the last minute gone.
With every end comes a new beginning, 12 years of hetero-ship, came my urge to reinvest myself, sow high as I can, transition from watching female on female porn, to fucking or be fucked by a female; my long desire to play for the same team.
I am bi-curious …. I am a virgin.